My All
by killarri
Summary: A song fic set after Vegeta dies against Majin Buu. Bulma's thoughts on her husbands death. Might make you cry. It made me cry when I wrote it.


Title:              My All

Author:          Killarri

Rating:           R

Summary:      Song fic to Mariah Carey's "My All" set after Vegeta dies against Buu.

Warnings:      A little language, not much though.  Pretty angsty so it's kind of depressing

Disclaimer:     I don't own DBZ.  Maybe I'll find a genie someday, and then I will, but until then, I don't own it.

AN: For those of you who don't know, I wrote a B/V lemon to the song "If Walls Could Talk" by Celine Dion and posted it here and at MediaMiner.org.  The next day FF.net took it down saying it violated their guidelines.  I went through the guidelines page like 10 times and I still couldn't see what I did wrong so I e-mailed them.  After 2 e-mails, they wouldn't answer me so I edited and reposted the fic.  Well, the cancelled my account a few hours after I reposted it.  And I STILL don't see what I did wrong.  It was a tastefully done lemon, and I've seen stuff far racier on this site that gets to stay up.  But that's not even the point anymore.  Fine FF.net!  You win!  I don't know what I did wrong but rest assured I will not repost "If Walls Could Talk" on this account.  Just please don't do anything to this new account.  All I want to do is share my stories with the fanfiction community.

_I'm thinking of you_

_In my sleepless solitude tonight_

_If it's wrong to love you_

_Then my heart won't ever let me be right_

            I tossed and turned in the bed for hours before finally giving up.  It wasn't surprising to me since I didn't get a minute of sleep last night either.  It's been two days.  Two miserable days since Vegeta died, sacrificing his life to stop Majin Buu.  Two days since I watched my husband kill hundreds of innocents at the tournament.  Thank Kami that Trunks wasn't there to see that.  My son sees his father as a hero and I wouldn't want that to ever change.  And despite the fact that he easily killed them, I still can't hate him.  I just can't.

_Cause I've drowned in you_

_And I won't pull through_

_Without you by my side_

            As much as I can't forget the last few minutes of his existence, I also can't forget the previous seven years.  Although he never said it, I always felt like he loved me and that was why he stayed.  He was a husband and a father.  Sure, he wasn't always a loving husband and father, but he stayed and that was good enough for me.  Except, I remind myself, he didn't stay.  He died.  It's too much for me to handle and I curl into a ball sobbing.  I need him.  As much as I'd hate to admit that I don't want to live without him, I still can't deny the fact that I need him.

_I'd give my all to have_

_Just one more night with you_

_I'd give my all to feel_

_Your body next to mine_

I'd give anything to have him here with me now.  To be able to look into those smoldering obsidian orbs and tell him how much I love him.  To be able to kiss him and touch his bronze skin.  To participate in that blissful merging of body and soul where every touch ignites a fire and every caress is feather soft.

_Cause I can't go on_

_Living in the memory of your song_

_I'd give my all for your love tonight_

            How long will I end up existing like this?  Vegeta's already been brought back by the dragon balls once; he can't be brought back again.  I have to face the facts.  My prince is gone, never to return.  I sob even harder now at the thought.  I don't know if I can do this.  Raise my son alone.  Live life without him.  Sure another me did it in an alternate time, but I don't think I can.

_Baby can you feel me_

_Imagining I'm looking in your eyes_

_I can see you clearly_

_Vividly emblazoned in my mind_

            I calm my sobs slightly and decide to concentrate on the good memories of my prince.  I had seven years with my soul mate, more than most people get.  Closing my eyes, my thoughts drift to our first kiss and I smile slightly.  It was a hot July day, and I knew that the gravity chamber was more like an oven, so I decided to be nice and take some lemonade out to him.  I still remember the absolute confusion on his face as I explained why I did it.  He was utterly baffled that someone would want to do something nice for him, especially since it was me.  I remember smiling at him and turning to leave the chamber before a soft grip on my arm stopped me.  Turning around, I looked at him confused.  Staring into my eyes, he didn't say anything as he slowly lowered his lips on to mine.  The kiss was gentle, but entirely too short, only a few seconds.  He backed away looking appalled, and I left the gravity chamber with a hint of a smile on my face.  It's something I'll never forget.  It was that day when I started seeing Vegeta as more than just the sexy yet annoying houseguest.

_And yet you're so far_

_Like a distant star_

_I'm wishing on tonight_

            As the memory fades from my minds eye, I quickly clamor out of the way too big for one person bed and hastily pull on a long white robe.  Quietly, I sneak out of my temporary room on the Lookout and walk to the edge.  Sitting not quite at the edge but close enough, I look down on the chaotic world beneath.  Majin Buu was still down there somewhere reeking havoc.  It's not fair, I thought.  Why do we always have to deal with evil murdering maniacs?  "Oh Vegeta," I sigh looking up at the twinkling starts in the night sky, "How am I ever going to do this without you?"

_I'd give my all to have_

_Just one more night with you_

_I'd give my all to feel_

_Your body next to mine_

Once again withdrawing into the recesses of my mind, the memories fly at me.  This time it's our wedding night.  It wasn't the first time we were together or anything.  Trunks was already a year and a half old when we got married.  But it was the first time that he ever made love to me so tenderly, so lovingly.  I always knew that he was a man of action, and I knew that even though he never said it out loud, his actions told me that he loved me.  And that night was the first night I could say without hesitation that that man loved me.

_Cause I can't go on_

_Living in the memory of our song_

_I'd give my all for your love tonight_

            I remember practically everything.  Every touch, every smile, every laugh, every argument, and every tear I've cried for him.  I'll never forget any of it.  It was perfect, every bit of it, through thick and thin.  As long as he was there, I could get through anything.  Now I have to get through it without him.

_I'd give my all to have_

_Just one more night with you_

_I'd give my all to feel_

_Your body next to mine_

            I'm going to cherish every memory I have because it's all I have left now.  And the adorable living, breathing affirmation of our love.  I'm going to cherish every moment I have with him too.  The little boy so much like his father with that same penetrable stare even though he shares my eye color.  His phenomenal strength and determination both came from the prince who sired him.  But his gentle heart and fast mind came entirely from me.  Trunks is the perfect mix of us both.

_Cause I can't go on_

_Living in the memory of our song_

_I'd give my all for your love tonight_

_Give my all for your love_

My biggest fear is that he's in hell, and when I finally die I won't be reunited with him.  I'll be strong enough to live the rest of my life, for my son; but I know that I couldn't live without him for eternity.  All I can do now is wait and hope.  Once we beat Majin Buu, then we'll find a way to bring him back.  I'm Bulma Briefs, Kami damnit, and I will not live out the rest of my life alone!

_Tonight_

AN:  Wow, that one's being waiting to come out for a while.  Anyway, so how was it?  Please read and review!


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